"I called Mary 'mother' and felt overwhelmed with love"

As a child, I lacked nothing materially, nothing except, in the end, the essential, which is love. My father worked a lot, so I didn't see much of him as a child and when we did see each other, we had mostly conflicts and arguments... I wanted to look elsewhere for this lack of love.

As a teenager, I started smoking, hanging out with the wrong people, drinking, going on porn sites... I was into Buddhist spirituality because it involved a kind of contemplation and animal-like well-being. 

And I came to a period in my life when I was really at rock bottom and had broken up with my girlfriend. And yet I'd always wanted to do good, I'd always loved others... but "it just wasn't doing it": I was doing the evil I didn't want to do and didn't understand what was going on. Then I realized that I had hurt my ex-girlfriend because I was always seeking something for myself, not being at peace with myself. It was an awakening.

So I cried out to God, begging: "If there is someone in Heaven, if there is a God, help me, do something for me. I can't take it anymore. I can see that nothing is going right in my life: I'm only doing stupid things. Help me, if there really is someone!"

A few days later, on the advice of a friend, I went on a website and came across an image of the Virgin Mary. I'd heard that the Virgin existed, and I'd heard about Jesus. But I knew nothing about them!

When I discovered them, through this site, I started to cry. They were tears of joy! I called Mary "Mother", and I felt overwhelmed with joy: at that moment, I received an inexpressible love! Everything became clear, and I understood that I had to hand over my whole life to her. I said: "Mother, save me, deliver me"... Those words just came out, spontaneously! She was my mother; I spoke to her without a filter: I could tell her anything, hand over everything.

And Mary cleaned up my messy life, put things in order and showed me the true path, the way of Jesus.

But I understood that I had to surrender to the Lord, rather than fight with my own strength, and deliverances came little by little. I felt a peace returning to me, a joy returning, filled with love. I was able to meet people full of faith who showed me what love was, and what it meant to share with each other.

Since then, I've started to prepare for baptism, and in two years I should be able to become a full-fledged child of God.

Gray's testimony

Adapted from: www.decouvrir-dieu.com