Une Minute avec Marie
Faire connaître et aimer Marie
Dear Virgin Mary,
First let me just say, you may not consider yourself a pop culture icon, but we have to put your story in historical context: if you were born two thousand years later, you’d probably be the star of your own reality TV show, have 362 million followers on Instagram, and people would post pictures of you at the Met Gala with the caption “Mother is mothering.” Undeniable fact: you’re an icon.
You popped into my head from time to time when I was pregnant and imagining all the ways childbirth could take an unexpected turn. Giving birth in a barn seemed uniquely horrible. Unmanaged pain aside, it seems like the hay would be itchy. The smells would be too much for my sensitive pregnancy nose. And for reasons I can’t fully grasp but don’t feel I need to explain, I wouldn’t want a cow within fifty yards of me during that particular life event.
By the time I was pregnant with my third baby, I wasn’t scared of childbirth itself, but my nerves were fraught for another reason. My body had proven itself super adept at expelling babies, and my first two deliveries were quick and easy. My fear with Delivery #3 was that it would be too quick and too easy.
The major concern was that the hospital where I would deliver the baby was twenty minutes from my house, and that’s if the conditions were perfect. [...] During rush hour, it’s probably faster getting from Nazareth to Bethlehem on a donkey.
Thus, I resigned myself to giving birth to a Car Baby.
I thought about you as I mentally prepared. If Mary, Mother of Jesus, can give birth in a barn among the goats, I told myself, surely I can give birth in a Toyota Rav4. I stocked the Rav with a sheet and some towels, like we used to line the closet when I was in seventh grade and my cat gave birth. Then I called my friend Dan, a firefighter, and asked him to tell me everything they taught him in EMT training about delivering a baby in less-than-ideal situations.[...] I found myself comforted by the information that, in a pinch, the most important thing I could do was hold my baby. Make sure they’re breathing, then hold them. Later, maybe pop them in a manger, which really isn’t as odd as it sounds. [...]
Anyway, Mary, you’re a champ for that barn birth, and even more of a champ for not biting the heads off of unexpected visitors bearing frankincense and myrrh. Honestly, I think you should write a tell-all. You’re the original Madonna, after all. I bet you could even outsell Britney.
Blessed art thou,
Kristen
Letters to Moms column by Kristen Mulrooney, June 5, 2024
In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself.