The Virgin Mary in my life

What does a young man of 20 think about? What are his dreams and hopes? In the whirlwind of my somewhat golden student days in Marseille, I knew that a moment of truth was coming, an uncomfortable stage of settling down and considering what to do next. For a 20-year-old, the coming of adulthood is always a bit scary. And there is an unsettling question: what is my vocation?

A spontaneous intuition sent me one afternoon to see the Good Mother at the Notre Dame de la Garde Basilica. I climbed the hill overlooking Marseille anxiously. Like a pauper, I remember entrusting to the Blessed Virgin my vocation and my inability to respond to it. I felt so dry, so foggy and nervous. I asked for lucidity and hope. At her feet, I begged for the grace of abandonment and joy. I begged for the will, the intelligence and the grace to make that act of faith, that "fiat" that would perhaps offer me freedom and peace. I begged with my poor words, remaining for a long time in prayer, snuggled in this neo-Byzantine jewel box that has welcomed so many pilgrims, so many sinners, so many young people coming, like me, to seek the listening and the comfort of a mother. When I walked back home, I felt different, lighter. I had a happy conviction, inside me, that the Good Mother had answered me. She had given me the strength to say my "fiat," in my small way. I knew that the Blessed Virgin was at my side and would not abandon me. I had found peace of heart, the peace that would eventually help me to make liberating decisions.

My companionship with Mary, nearly 20 years later, was enriched by the discovery of a powerful text by Father Doncoeur on the Virgin Mary in masculine lives¹. The more I studied the male identity, learning the virtues of fatherhood, the more I understood her unsurpassable role with men, clumsy pilgrims in search of comfort. Yes, Mary is the refuge of the sinner that I am, the Consoler of the Afflicted, before whom I can take off my mask and leave my worldly role aside. She welcomes the wounded soul of the beloved child who runs to safety in her motherly arms. She shows us her Son, in the manger, at Cana, and at the foot of the Cross. She makes us love Him.

Notre Dame Cathedral of Paris holds a special place in my life because I had the privilege of organizing a great sound and light show there for two years. The tragic fire at the beginning of Holy Week continues to present a spiritual puzzle to me. In the days after the fire, I stood amid the rubble, contemplating the Virgin on the pillar, immaculate and preserved, upright and consoling, watching over her children, while a huge charred beam lay at her feet. In the misfortunes of the times, the Virgin is there, holding her Child in her hands.

At the Knights of Columbus, we always keep a rosary with us, in our pocket. We recite it as often as possible. I am rediscovering this ancient prayer of the simple, and I love it. Holding the rosary beads unites us to millions of men, and is liking holding the hand of the Blessed Virgin Mary, as Charles Péguy once said. In the whirlwind of temptations, we remain in her gentle and firm presence.

(1) La Vierge Marie dans nos vies d’hommes (The Virgin Mary in Our Lives as Men). This text appeared in the minutes the Marian congregations in 1935. I am grateful to Bishop Ravel for making me discover it.

Arnaud Bouthéon is co-founder of the Mission Conference (Congrès Mission) and president of the Lux Fiat association created to celebrate Notre Dame Cathedral of Paris and to spread its message in France and abroad